Whoa cool dream

Friday, December 27, 2013

I had the coolest dream last night - I had telekinesis, but I couldn’t ~*control my powers*~ so sometimes the item I was concentrating on would shake alot, or fly around the room violently while I tried to focus my energies.

I sat in my parent’s basement moving many items around, but when I tried moving a human it didn’t work.  My powers simply weren’t strong enough.

Having telekinesis in real life would be extremely helpful, especially in situations where your hands are tied!!!

Ahem.

I woke up and was very sad when I no longer had telekinesis.


Or do I.

Stop holding it like that!

Thursday, December 19, 2013

As I previously promised to my huge blog audience aka thin air, I said I would make my next Stop Holding It Like That! post feature the Nature Valley bar.  The Nature Valley bar has been around for a long time, I have no idea how long nor do I care.  Why?  Because their commercials feature actors who hold the bars in stupid fashions.  How do you hold a granola bar in a stupid fashion?

Like this:




Stop holding it like that!

Who is she showing her bar to? There’s no logical reason for her to hold the bar at an abrupt Northbound angle.  If the next stop is her mouth, then the bar should be going in at a 45 degree angle.  Why is it pointing to the sky?  And what’s his problem?  Why is his bar naked, and why is it facing his girlfriend’s bar perpendicularly?  Is that a real word?  Why is he holding his bar like it’s icky poo poo?  Is it?  This picture has many pixels.

Most importantly, why are they looking at the mountains with concern?  Always remember, there’s nothing a mountain can do to you, that you haven’t already done to yourself.

Here’s a close-up version of another Nature Valley bar being held in an unreasonable fashion:





Stop holding it like that!!!

Music video drop #2

Thursday, December 19, 2013

MY JAM RIGHT NOW, TBQH:




And some old favourites…









Not official but wutever:




Ending with a slow jam:

Stop holding it like that!

Saturday, October 5, 2013

This is the first entry in an enthralling series of upcoming posts, where I feature a product being held in a stupid and unnatural way.

I realise that actors hold products in commercials at a specific angle which allows the viewer to see the product name clearly, but I feel like all it does is aggravate me!  I don’t want to be aggravated!

Today’s example is from a 2013 Excel gum commercial, featuring a male hand and a blue package of Excel gum:




Stop holding it like that!

Who holds a package of gum in such a way that it could topple over at any moment and fall on the floor?  Nobody, that’s who!  Not only that, but several seconds later he pushed the inner packaging out with his thumb and only his thumb - while the other hand was completely uninvolved.

Next time: analyzing the way someone holds a Nature Valley bar.

Music video drop

Thursday, October 3, 2013

Yas

Here are some songs I like right now…

WELL OK THAT’S IT





Queens of My Stone Cold Heart...

Thursday, September 12, 2013

…..that was a cool and dramatic title, right?!

I just remembered the time in third or fourth year at Ryerson when I was stapling actors’ headshots to the wall in the theatre school, and a couple of them didn’t like their photo-placements (behind the hallway door, for example) and started voicing their concerns for about 10-15 minutes straight.  As someone with a terrible temper I snapped and screamed various obscenities, then ran away crying while ripping things off the walls.

OK I didn’t really cry or swear, but the next day as I was walking up to the school’s entrance, one of the actors was sitting there on the bench and when he saw me he began singing the song “Cold As Ice” by Foreigner.  At the time I was thinking “ouch!” but now I think it’s super funny and have joked about my ice cold heart ever since then, to nobody in particular.

This has absolutely nothing to do with Queens of the Stone Age, does it?  No it doesn’t.  It was also a total cool story, bro.

What is the point of this post? Oh yes, Queens of the Stone Age, one of my favourite bands of all time.   I was introduced to them in late 2002 or early 2003 when the video for No One Knows was being played on Much Music for some reason, but like most others I’d only paid attention because of the involvement of Dave Grohl (people still think he’s in the band, to this day).  At the time I was into nothing much except the end of *NSYNC and whatever else was out at the time…I don’t even remember.  The Chili Peppers?  Avril Lavigne?  What?

That all changed when one night, I was shown the newly-released music video for QOTSA’s song Go With the Flow.   Upon my very first viewing, the skies parted and rays of light shone onto me, birds started chirping and flowers bloomed (this all happened in my bedroom btw) and I think there was a choir singing somewhere too, ionno.   I proceeded to re-watch the video over and over, attempted to learn the riffs on my purple electric guitar, started wearing red and black and became obsessed with QOTSA.

I know this is a super interesting story, but I feel the need to express this deep emotional gratitude as they were back in town this week, and I had not seen them in person for 8 years and that needed to be rectified immediately.   I saw them in concert twice in 2003, twice in November 2005 (including their small performance at the HMV on Queen Street West), and was at their Live @ Much in November of 2005.  They were here about four more times after that but for various reasons I failed to show up to their shows.

I was going to carry on about the members and the band itself and list my favourite songs but upon further internal review no1curr, you look up their stuff yourself, man!

I credit QOTSA with *opening my eyes* and allowing me to discover a ton of great music, but mostly I credit them with MAKING SEXY, SEXY FANTASTIC MUSIC THAT MAKES ME DO THE MOST AWKWARD DANCE MOVES ON THIS SIDE OF SOMEWHERE.

wHoA I got excited there!  You know that generic move people do at rock concerts, standing with their arms folded and moving their heads forward and back?  Yeah that’s me, except add a really interesting heel-tap on the floor and attempts at moving hips (but generally failing miserably at that part).

My point is, everyone should have a favourite band that makes them feel passionate enough that they scour the internet for every little tidbit they can find on each member, order overpriced merch online and get a super unique handwritten tattoo somewhere under their arm.




Pictured above: Troy and Josh from QOTSA at the 102.1 studios by Sugar Beach, September 9 - 2013.

On Monday afternoon I was poking around online and saw that QOTSA would be at the Edge, which could only mean there would be a small crowd and the potential to meet members again (I’d met Josh twice in 2005, as well as Joey, Alain, and Troy).  Josh didn’t stick around after the interview that long, but a few people got pictures and things signed however - you had to be horrendously pushy and of course the girl with the flower headband (see Osheaga post below) was up there first thing.

It’s all good though!  Said with an extremely over-exaggerated smile and crazy-eyes!

Their concert at the ACC on Tuesday night was fantastic yet again, I almost had an attack of some sort when they played Better Living Through Chemistry from the album Rated R.   Kindly see the below link for the full setlist that you would not have enjoyed if you were sitting at home watching Pretty Little Liars.  Oh right, you weren’t!  Because it ended last week!

http://www.setlist.fm/setlist/queens-of-the-stone-age/2013/air-canada-centre-toronto-on-canada-43c64fa7.html

Doors

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

If you’ve opened one, and there is someone behind you….

HOLD IT OPEN FOR THEM

Hey you - the person that slips through it ‘quietly’ by going sideways to avoid all contact?  You suck.

The Color Run : I Did It, Then I Went Home

Sunday, August 25, 2013

A few months back I was flailing around on the internet when I came across The Color Run (www.thecolorrun.com).  Upon first glance it looked interesting for the lone fact that there are colours!  PRETTY COLOURS!

The Color Run (they don’t change it to ‘Colour’ for Canada, btw) is a 5k *cough* run (not an actual race) where you jog or walk around a designated course and pass through four different colour stations, where volunteers spray you with coloured cornstarch powder.  You may ask, “but what is the point?”  And the answer is….ionno, lol.  The Color Run is a for-profit organization but they partner up with local charities and give away an undisclosed amount of money to those charities. I participated in the run in London, Ontario and they partnered up with OneRun (onerun.ca) and Tara Boom Houston Children’s foundation.  I had several people ask me what the point of the race is in person, so I decided to make it a little more meaningful by raising a bit for the Toronto Humane Society, which I did.  So there’s that.

The run was very well organized and there were mobs and mobs of young people raring to go at 9am.  You register and pay online ahead of time, and then a couple of days before the event we were advised that we could pick-up our race packets at some store in London, between the hours of 12-7 for two days only.  This absolutely does not work for people driving in from out of town, so many people (myself included) had to pick up their packets on the morning of.  If you got there early enough (which meant around 7:30) then it’s not an issue. The only issue I did have, which made absolutely no sense whatsoever, is as follows…

If you are unable to pick up the package yourself, you can sign a pick up waiver and have a friend pick it up for you.  After that, there’s no control in place to determine what happens to your package.  Which leads into the issue I had with the morning of.  One of the three other people I intended to attend with, injured herself and was unable to go.  She signed the waiver so another one of my friends could attend in her place.  When I went to pick-up her package on the morning of the run, I was initially told that it wasn’t possible, primarily because they don’t do registration transfers on the day-of.  Apparently you can only transfer a registration up to a week before the event.  After a brief moment ‘seriously?’ the girl in charge decided she’d do me a solid and allow me to register my replacement-friend, and she’d be able to take the place of my injured friend.

SENSE: THIS MAKES NONE. if I had just given this woman the pick-up waiver that my injured friend had signed, then I could have just walked away with the package and handed it to the replacement-friend.  Again, once you have the packages you could pass them off to a random pigeon and the pigeon could fly in your place.  So all the humming and hawing and making my friend fill-out a registration form on their iPad was just absolutely pointless and a waste of approximately 20 minutes of prime morning time, that could have been spent guzzling coffee or taking some siiiiick selfies.

That aside, the rest of the event was harmless enough, and fun.  There were professional photographers there, and a whopping 34 photos were later uploaded to Facebook (34 photos and 7500 attendees?  haha). The race packets included a t-shirt, a temporary tattoo, your number and a headband.  The headband is made for tiny heads so I wouldn’t recommend it for people like me, that suffer from perpetually gigantic heads.  It’s a burden I must bear.




I was at the front of the first wave of people released from the starting gates, and when the race started everyone was jogging…this quickly turned into alot of people walking.  We passed through four colour stations: green, orange, blue and yellow.  You get dirty enough depending how slowly you pass through the stations, and if you ask a volunteer to absolutely smother you with powder.  I tried not to breathe in as I was passing through these stations, but it’s inevitable and you get the ultimate reward of some seriously blue boogers for the next few days.

The race was definitely not 5K, someone on Facebook mentioned it registered as 3.74km on their GPS.  I would have liked them to add another colour station, and have the run be a full 5k, since that’s what’s advertised and they are taking people’s money based off these advertisements.  My favourite part of the morning was picking up extra packages of colour (including pink and purple) at the finish line, where people were just blasting eachother with colour.  This is where we got the most dirty and the most colourful, including my hair which was an odd shade of green for a couple of days after.  There were some sun-melted granola bars at the end, too.  Whoa!  They were trying to organize some giant dance party or something, but we weren’t paying attention as we were too busy shaking colour into eachother’s faces and hair.




Overall it was a decent experience, I’d probably never bother going again but it was fun enough for a random Saturday morning.  We were out of there by 10:30am and still had the rest of the day to scare people at random gas stations on the drive home.  The looks you get, especially if you change out of your “Color Run” t-shirt, are pretty priceless.




Green hair don’t care?

I Went to Osheaga, Then I Went Home.

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Yeah!  

You see, it all started about four months ago when a couple of friends and I decided we’d like to go - so we made plans to go.  And so you have the complicated beginnings of what turned out to be an unbelievable adventure full of crime and mystery…

Osheaga is a 3-day music festival on an island in Montreal.  You have to take the subway there, or swim across a canal.  Or take a ferry, I dunno.  Come to think of it, I don’t even remember seeing a ferry anywhere.  And on that note, I can’t really say that at all since I spent the two days sitting on a hill.  Osheaga is setup with several stages in different places in the park (Jean-Drapeau), the two main stages being the River Stage and the Mountain Stage, which are side by side.  The acts switch back and forth from one stage to the next, so if you’re lazy like me you can just plop yourself on the hill in front of the ‘Osheaga’ sign and call it a day.

My friends arrived on the Friday (day one), and I didn’t get there until much later that evening so my experience was only two-days worth.  Saturday started with us winding up in a random neighbourhood of Montreal, slightly cranky and desperate for coffee - a couple of our other friends had advised us that they’d located a brunch place.  It turned out to be a place called Caffe Mariani (restaurantmariani.com), and oh man - it was good. I’m a sucker for tin ceilings and lightbulbs hanging off ropes, and this place had both.  I’m also a fan of tons of bacon and eggs all around me, and this place had that too.  It also has beer ham.

Beer ham.

I LOVE BEER HAM.

LET’S HEAR IT FOR THE BEER HAM

LET’S GIVE THAT BEER HAM A BUN

LET’S HEAR IT FOR MY MOUTH YEAH

YOU KNOW I GOTTA EAT THAT HAM

Pretty sure that didn’t rhyme.

That aside, we stuffed our faces and went on our merry way.  The subway ride isn’t too long from downtown Montreal to the metro by Parc Jean-Drapeau, but getting off the subway with hundreds (thousands) of other people can be daunting if you don’t like large crowds.  If you don’t like large crowds, you shouldn’t be going to a music festival anyway.  Know what I mean?!  

It took awhile to get into the actual festival, and by the end of the weekend you’ve been herded so much that you start associating with sheep and just really might start sympathising with them more.  The plight of the sheep is a story that simply isn’t told enough.  Imagine being herded around all day long, being forced to chew on grass blades that MAYBE you don’t want to chew on?  No, you don’t understand.  But go to Osheaga and get herded once or twice, then check your privilege.

On Saturday we were herded towards security, our bags were not checked at all and we were in.  On Sunday, they were thoroughly checking for some sneaky-booze!  You think that water looks like vodka?  Or that your vodka looks like water?  Think again!  Did you know that when you shake a bottle of vodka, it turns bright pink and blasts directly into the security guard’s face?  Yep.  I’m just saying, be careful.

Now apart from all that, Saturday and Sunday are kind of blurred together in my mind.  They were long days full of sun and sitting for extended periods of time on a sloped, slightly grassy hill.  If you’ve ever sat on a sloped, slightly grassy hill for hours upon hours then I give your butt SO much sympathy right now.  My butt is seriously angry.  My butt is not my friend.

Some points, observations and random notes a la Osheaga that  I absolutely need to address on this highly popular blog: 

1) PEEPODS.  

I know that guys pee anywhere and on anything, left right up down wherever the heck they want, but until you’ve seen a weird tiny town of peepods then you’ve seen nothing (in the urinal world, I mean). What is a peepod you may ask?  It’s just that - a pod with four podiums for men to stand on, all facing eachother/the middle of the platform.  And then, they pee.  At the end of the festival, the most popular peepods were so full that there was pee-mud all around the peepod.  I’m so glad I’m a girl and didn’t have to partake in that.  But I did have to partake in the…

2)THE WEIRD COMPOUND OF PORT-A-POTTIES GAME.

Parc Jean-Drapeau is big, and has many mini-compounds of port-a-potties.  And since there were over 100,000 attendees at Osheaga, that means there is high demand to pee anywhere other than a pee-pod or a bush.  Line-ups form somewhere in the middle of the compound, and so the Weird Compound of Port-A-Potties Game begins.  

Picture a semi-circular cluster of about 15 portas, and three line-ups of 30 people each waiting outside.  The three line-ups are fairly close together, and every time a door to a toilet opens, it’s a race to see who gets there first.  You can imagine the frantic looks on everyone’s faces, as they wonder if they will luck out next and have the door RIGHT IN FRONT of them be the one to open next!  It’s a fast-paced, adrenaline-pumping game.  

There is a bonus level though, which was discovered on the Sunday.  Certain port-a-potties actually ran out of toilet paper, throwing a wrench into the whole game.  Do you rush for any door that opens as the need to relieve overcomes you?  Or do you hang onto that last tiny bit of hope, and ignore the porta that you know doesn’t have toilet paper?  One wrong decision could cost you dearly.  It’s not a game for the faint of heart, and I applaud everyone who partook in this challenge.

3)THE PEOPLE OF OSHEAGA 

THE SEXY DANCERS  

The sexy dancers are the same girls (mostly) that you see in King West clubs any night of the week, but this time they’ve shown up to a music festival in Montreal.  The sexy dancers will dance sexy to any song by any band, and as soon as a the one line of song they do know comes on, they stand up on the hill and really get into it.   They have two recognizable dance moves, depending on the musical style: the right hand air-slap (try doing it yourself, and you’ll know what I mean) and the silent finger snapping hip-sway (try that one too). I do strongly applaud them for their confidence!  As I observed this while sitting on a hill quietly like a groundhog and being generally boring.

THE PEACE AND LOVE TEENS

These teens think that Any Music Festival = Woodstock.  No matter what.  Think floral headbands.

I’m all for expressing peace and harmony, by the way.  Especially all year round - and I would take the floral headbands MUCH more seriously if you wore them to work, young people!  Learn to commit to your beliefs, don’t just wear them in the form of a floral headband you bought at the merch booth for three days and three days only!  It’s time to wear that floral headband to the library.  How about wearing it to class?  Why not wear it to KFC? 

THE “I THINK I’M AT COACHELLA” PEOPLE

Same as above, but wearing anything crochet.

THE “I THINK I’M AT GLASTONBURY” PEOPLE

Same as above, but wearing rubber boots when the sky is clear.

THE CANADIAN-CELEBRITY LOOK-ALIKE GIRLS

This one is fully my own issue, the days are long and tiring and full of multiple visits to the Coors Light beer tent, 10 feet away.  When you spend long hours sitting under the sun, watching thousands of people go by, you’re bound to mistake someone for a celebrity.  I’m not just talking any celebrity here, I’m talking Canadian actresses, probably from Degrassi or The L.A. Complex.  I also thought I saw that one Jonas brother’s wife.  None of them were who I thought, by the way.

The bros at Coachella weren’t quite as expressive or diverse, unless you count the guy wearing a “white girl wasted” tank!  Oh, you.  His female accomplice was wearing the same shirt but it said something about molly on it.  Oh, you.

There were a few types of bros that deserve mentions, purely for their entertainment factor.

#1 - The Bodybuilder Shirtless Brah

This guy travels in packs of 3 or 4, and does not wear a shirt the entire day.  Baseball hat, Oakleys, low-slung shorts, necklace and other jewelry, but no shirt.  This guy will consistently stand up in the centre of the crowded hill and pretend to be looking for something, while bending around and flexing special muscles.  This guy was not really a problem for many people, tbh.  

#2 - The Dudebro Packs

Dudebros travel in larger packs, and wear all-fluorescent ensembles.  Sidenote - I love how spell-check attempts to correct ‘dudebro’ to ‘rosebud’.  Anyway, the dudebros will do alot of yelling, cheering and general ignoring of the actual concert going on right in front of them.  The dudebros will start mini dance-parties in front of the Coors Light tent.  The dudebros will try to force their girl friends to twerk for a free Coors Light.

#3 - The White Guy Singing Along to K-Os Singing Rihanna

Guy ignores K-OS’s entire set, then looks to be brimming with joy when K-OS randomly begins singing ‘Umbrella’ by Rihanna.  Guy is filled with gratitude and recognition and begins shouting  ‘Umbrella’ lyrics.  Guy is happy.  

Honestly though and joking aside, the people at Osheaga were generally very chill and happy.  Everyone was in good moods and left each other alone.  Except for the Americans that possibly peed on my friend’s foot.  But other than that, great people.  They generally want to listen to music and enjoy the weather, and that is what happened.  I wish the audience in front of the main stages had a little more energy though, a bit of head bopping (my specialty) is fine for the hill, but show some signs of life when you’ve made the effort to secure a sweet spot in front of the stage!  Knowwhatimean?!

A couple of favourite memories due to exhaustion and copious amounts of beer(?):

-me and a pal having a seriously in depth conversation of how a band could possibly be done already?  You see, the projectors had gone dark after a song was played, so we instantly assumed the band was done.  As we were discussing this, we failed to notice the band was still playing.

-me and a pal thinking we were watching Hollerado,  and were then confused when they ended so quickly.  Turns out Hollerado was playing at the stage next door. 

-a group of us turning the Lumineers’ song “Ho Hey”  into a song called “Jorge”,  I don’t know how it happened.  Wait, yes I do.  Someone said ‘oh hey!’, then it went something like this:

‘hey!’

‘ho!’

‘ho!’

‘hey!’

‘heyho!’

‘hohey!’

‘jorge!’

"JORGE!!!!!" 

And much excitement ensued.  We’re a wild bunch, we are.  

The beer was reasonably priced at $6.25 a cup, or $7.25 for a tall boy.  There were also dudes carrying flats of beer throughout the crowds, which was awesome. 

I missed a few bands I wanted to see, including Capital Cities and The Cure, who played Friday as well as the Neighbourhood and Hot Chip who conflicted with other bands on Sunday.  I did however manage to see The Heavy, Tegan and Sara, Imagine Dragons, Stars, K-OS, Macklemore, Big Boi, Kendrick Lamar, Silversun Pickups, The Lumineers, New Order and of course Mumford & Sons. 

I loved Silversun Pickups, and while they were playing Lazy Eye the only downpour of the weekend happened.  I was wrapped tightly in my poncho, and perhaps the most epic moment was when the word ‘sunshine’ was belted by the singer, right when the rain was at its worst.  And, almost the exact moment the song ended the rain stopped and the sun came out, as did a rainbow.

Awwww.  

No seriously, that really happened.  Check Instagram.

I also got to hear New Order play Bizarre Love Triangle live…this really filled me with joy for some reason?  One of my favourite 80’s songs of all time.  They also played Blue Monday.  Which makes me think of Cheap Monday jeans now.  No relation there. That was a thought that didn’t really need sharing.

 Mumford & Sons were fantastic live but the only downside was that it got extremely cold and ponchos had to be used as emergency blankets.  Ponchos + gusty wind = lolwtf

SUCH IS LIFE.

I will leave this post with an image of the only merch I got from the festival.  The picture on this item is fantastic for two reasons.  

1)It’s a cat.

2)It’s a cat wearing the same floral headbands I partially mocked above.



 SEE!

I just remembered leaving the festival.  You’d think waiting for a bit would help you later on down the road, but no.  When there are that many thousands of people leaving, you just have to go with it.  You gotta go with the flow, man!  ‘Going with it’, by the way, means standing in crowds of thousands of people and getting herded again.

HERD PARTY!

It actually wasn’t TOO bad, they must have ordered more subway service because it only took about an hour and a half to get back to downtown Montreal from the park.  And that includes waiting in the crowds, and the subway ride back.  

THAT’S IT KBAI
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