Some Stuff About Halloween

Friday, October 3, 2014


It's October now!!!!  Everyone loves October!!

Pinterest loves October:

Perfectly placed leaves, on-trend arts 'n crafts and walkways that have apparently never felt the pressure of a human foot. 


Halloween loves October:

A pumpkin clearly showing its affection for October.  I think?  Maybe it loves itself?  This picture is actually confusing and potentially misleading


Pumpkin spice haters love October:

Next time you are hanging out in your backyard, carving a gruesome face into the delicate layers of the pumpkin you kidnapped from its family of pumpki, and the thought crosses your mind to diss pumpkin anything, take a look down at your hands riddled with the slimy blood goo and remember that YOU are part of the problem!

I like October because that's when Halloween is, and that also means scary movies are on TV constantly...which is what full TV schedules should always be like, tbh.  And I'm not just talking about Maid in Manhattan or the Wedding Planner, which are on regular rotation apparently.   BA DUMP DA!!
I'm talking about the Jason movies played on repeat because they are apparently the only horror movies ever made.

I feel like that turned sarcastic, but in a really tentative way.

I'm currently deciding what my Halloween costume should be, and I'm wavering between a sexy telephone cord or a sexy sock... or maybe a sexy empty beer bottle or a sexy shoehorn or a sexy jar of olives or

I would like to briefly take a trip down Hallowmemory lane, and visit previous years' costumes:

2008 - A unique idea that's never been done before

2009 - a Supermarket Sweep contestant (low maintenance and comfortable, I considered this a great success)

2010 - a girl who wakes up every morning and emerges from her bedroom as the chick from the Black Swan movie

2011 - a version of Katy Perry in her ET music video but the version that's permanently holding a glass of wine

2012 - what is supposed to be a ventriloquists dummy but I mean I could just be a weird looking girl with food dripping down the sides of her mouth

2013 - a serious Lady Gaga Applause creature

I also went as Phyllis Nefler with a cool sidekick


These were all mediocre costumes for the most part, but as long as you enjoy what you're wearing on Halloween, isn't that all that matters?

Actually no - because some things are not ok!   Like dressing up as a minority/painting your face to look like other races and appropriating other cultures!

There are so many things to dress up as, keep it cool and don't be an offensive loser!  Things like these, found in a random couple of Facebook photos while I was bored:

A person looking out a window.  Complete your look by fashioning a window frame out of tinfoil and the glass pane using saran wrap.  Walk around for the duration of your evening holding up your fake window, while consistently pressing your face against the saran wrap.  You can't drink or use your arms for anything else.

A confused/fake paparazzo at the opening of a new bar.   Wear anything you want, but ensure you have a DSLR camera and neck strap and a furrowed brow for the entire evening.  Extra fun points if you bring a random friend with blonde curly hair that nobody seems to know, but is in all the pictures from that evening.

Lauren Conrad. Just kidding - it's impossible to reach the expert level of Pinterest, and nobody else in the world has ever received such a successful ombre!!  Mostly I just posted this picture because her hair is like a shower of diamonds and joy.

The most important thing to remember this Halloween is to stay safe and steal children's candy.

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